Jerry Anderson

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-19T17:02:00.000-07:00

Daddy
(elegy poem)

I'm miles from where you are, Daddy
I miss you
More than you'll ever know
I wish you were here
Daddy
I wish you were here to see me grow
To see me graduate
To see me get married
To see your grandchildren
I want you here to raise me
Here with Mommy
I didn't know you'd leave me like this
I didn't realize
People say I should be happy you don't hurt anymore
But I'd rather have you here and hurting, Daddy
I'm sorry, Daddy
I know I'm selfish
It's how I miss you, Daddy
I want you here to help me
I want you here to get mad at me
To tell me you love me
To show me what to do
And to be disappointed with me
I want you here to tell me not to talk on the phone with boys
And sing with me to the radio
I'm not good at solos, Daddy
I know you're happy now
I have no doubt about where you are
I know you're safe now
I know I'll be able to see you again
But remember, I'm selfish, Daddy
So I want you here
And that's why the tears keep coming

(written by Natalie Anderson, age 13, 8th grade English writing assignment, April 2011)

Happy 20th Anniversary!

2010-05-19T13:19:00.000-07:00

Natalie took this picture of Jerry and I in the Spring of 2008

I am remembering my sweet man today! If Jerry could be here today with me, we would be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary together. It is hard for me to even believe that this would be our 20th! Twenty years is a long time and I actually don't feel quite old enough to say that I would have been married for 20 years. I guess you could say that I was a child bride! ha... So much time has passed since May 19, 1990 and so many things have happened. There have been many joys over the years and occasions of happiness, and then also occasions of sadness and deep grief. Today's date brings back many memories of rejoicing, and yet it also reminds me of my many losses. The loss of my husband and best friend, the loss of my marriage, the loss of the father of my children, the loss of my hopes and dreams for the future and the loss of just growing old together. However, I am relieved and find much peace in being able to say that God will someday turn all of these losses into a great reunion!

As I think about Jerry today and where he is I envision him walking through the most beautiful meadow picking wildflowers just for me - on our 20th!

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13

Happy Anniversary Jerry. I love you!

Candy

Happy Birthday Jerry!

2010-03-28T13:46:00.000-07:00

Today is Jerry's 43rd Birthday!

The kids and I began the morning by having breakfast at Steve's Patio Cafe'. I honored Jerry by eating his signature menu item "Jerry's Scramble!" Steve was a cycling friend of Jerry's and owns this restaurant which apparently Jerry frequented more times than I was ever even aware of! So much so, that after Jerry died Steve changed the name of Jerry's favorite menu item to reflect his name in honor of him. "Jerry's Scramble" can now be found on the menu at Steve's Patio Cafe'. It was such an honor for the kids and I to spend time there this morning and talk about their Daddy, all the while dining on his favorite dish!

After breakfast we were off to church. It's Palm Sunday and Joshua was one of the children who participated in the service this morning by carrying in a palm branch during the children's worship time. He was so cute and he looks so much like his Dad. I miss these moments of Jerry sitting next to us at church and sharing in our life here. And yet as we grieve his death, we are also reminded of the great anticipation we have to look forward to when we will be reunited with him when Christ returns. What a moment that will be...seeing Jesus and Jerry!

It is also the most beautiful day outside today. I always think of Jerry when we enjoy the beauty of outdoors and the warmth of the sun. He just loved days like this. He would have really enjoyed a nice long bike ride on a day like today. I will also admit that I'm so spoiled already by the wonderful weather we have. In fact, I'm having to retreat under the shade of an umbrella as I type this outside because the sun is shining so brightly that it's beyond warm, and yet there is a slight cool breeze which I envision as being God's breath softly blowing by. What a treat for me to have all of this on Jerry's birthday.

I'm not sure what we'll do to celebrate Jerry for the rest of the day, but I do know one thing for sure, he will be at the forefront of all of our thoughts today. We still really miss him. I feel so fortunate to have known him and I'm still so very proud of him and the way he lived his life. I can't help but think I want to be like Jerry when I grow up!

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you. Philippians 1:3

Love, Candy

Until We Meet Again

2009-10-11T13:26:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends,

In thinking about the date today, my heart and mind reflects back once again to "this time last year." October 11, 2008 was the day of Jerry's Memorial Service and burial in Little Rock, AR. I thought I would share a picture of Jerry's memorial marker with you. Many of you will never have a chance to visit it, so I wanted you to see it. Although it is a reminder of the acute sadness we feel in his absence, it is still a very special place. This is the very spot from which Jerry will bodily rise again!

For we believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are still alive, and remain until the coming of the Lord, shall not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God; and the dead in Christ shall rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.
1 Thessalonians 4:14-17

With Much Love,
Candy

2009-10-02T11:18:00.000-07:00

Jerry Patrick Anderson

March 28, 1967 - October 2, 2008

In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found,

He is my light, my strength, my song;
This Cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, What depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! - who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save:
'Til on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, No fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Til He returns, or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand!

2009-08-27T21:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

It seems nearly impossible to even be writing this entry and that it has been a year since the news of Jerry's cancer was revealed. It was one year ago today that Jerry came home with his MRI results regarding his arm. I knew the news was not going to be good when he walked in the door and quietly motioned for me to follow him upstairs, not wanting to disturb the kids from their play. As we rounded the corner to head up the stairs he had begun to be very emotional. The MRI revealed a mass in his arm and it was assumed at that point that it was malignant. As the news spread down our lane of homes some neighbors came over that night to pray with us. Then just two days later we received MRI results from his thigh, again with the same news, a suspected malignant mass. We were scared to say the least and knew the news was not pleasant at this point, but it never even crossed our minds that it was as critical as it was and that Jerry would soon be near death. And so began my urgent e-mails to spread the word and ask for prayer. As information of Jerry's situation spread from coast to coast my e-mail list quickly grew to over 70 addresses and thus this blog was born as a result of the foresight of a friend.

I do not have a good memory and hardly remember much detail about what happened last month, but for some reason I have a very vivid memory of those harsh 5 weeks last year as we dealt with Jerry's progressing cancer. I can remember scenes from doctors appointments, conversations with friends and family, scenes from his hospital stay, memories of all the friends and family who were in and out of our house everyday, the delivery of meals, etc., right down to the date that they occurred in many instances. These scenes have begun playing over and over in my head and it is like reliving that nightmare all over again.

We still miss Jerry tremendously and I can't believe that it will soon be a year since he was a living member of our family. Aside from often wanting to question "why" this happened, I'm also mystified at "how" this happened. How did this happen? I look at our kids and feel guilty as if Jerry and I have somehow failed them, and yet I know this to be a completely irrational thought. The kids and I still talk about Jerry most every day and laugh at memories of things he did or said. Many of you still talk about him too and share stories or memories that you have and I want you to know that we LOVE this. It is also heart warming even just to hear you say that you also miss him and we love to hear his name mentioned. I could spend my whole day talking about him! Many times the kids and I wonder aloud about what Jerry might be thinking as he watches us. This summer I was trying to air up Joshua's bicycle tires before we went for a ride and was having trouble with the tire pump. At one point Joshua said, "Mom, daddy is probably looking down here right now and saying, "Candy, that's not how you do it!" We both laughed at ourselves, and yes we did eventually get the tires aired. As I sit here typing this I'm even chuckling at the sound of the air conditioner running! It has been very hot here the past few days and tonight it did not cool down outside like it normally does and there was simply no breeze to cool the house. It was over 80 degrees upstairs and I didn't want the kids to have to resort to ice packs on their heads! Besides, I decided the kids and I just weren't going to "tough" it out since we didn't have too. I know Jerry is shaking his head!

Please pray for us these next 5 weeks as we deal with the anniversary of our family tragedy. And please know that I read every comment that is posted on this blog and really appreciate hearing from you. Many of you I do not personally know, but you knew Jerry, either from high school or work, jobs, etc. There is no way for me to respond to your comments (I've tried), but want you to know that I do get every single one of them. In fact, I've kept a 3-ring binder of all of my entries to this blog along with every comment that has posted and I keep it up-to-date. The kids will someday be very fulfilled in knowing how many people daddy touched and how many people loved him.

I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you. Isaiah 44:22

As I ponder Jerry's life, I can rejoice and say that he has truly been redeemed and returned to
his Creator...

Love, Candy

Happy 9th Birthday Joshua!

2009-07-31T22:08:00.000-07:00

Today is Joshua's 9th birthday. It seems unbelievable that he could already be 9 years old. To the left is a picture of Joshua when he was a little one year old...where did the time go?

Birthday celebrations are somewhat overwhelming for me these days. However, I'm able to hide it very well and the kids are able to enjoy their "happy day" without even knowing the silent heartache that swells within me for them. It was exactly this time 3 summers ago that we moved to California and Joshua turned 6 just a few days after we moved into our new home. Now it is 3 years later, he is turning 9 years old, and so much in our life and family has changed since then. Joshua's world has literally been turned upside down since the celebration of his birthday last year.

The only way I can best describe what I feel is that it's like our life is like an "Etch-a-Sketch" toy that had a beautiful picture of our family drawn on it and without warning it was violently shaken and the whole picture as we knew it was erased. Just like with an Etch-a-Sketch there are no pieces to pick up afterward...you just have to start your drawing all over again and adjust to the fact that the picture will not look exactly the same as it did before. Yes, there are many memories that help to form our new and adjusted life, but it will never be the same as before.

Yet even in all of this nothing that has happened throughout the past year has slipped by God unnoticed. The God who is in control of today is also the God who is fully in control of tomorrow. He already knows what tomorrow is going to look like and He is prepared for what is going to happen. God has already anticipated the problems we will face tomorrow and has set into motion everything required to resolve those problems.

In spite of the fact that the Etch-a-Sketch drawing of our family is very much misshapen right now and slowly being redrawn, God has forever been faithful and He laid out a beautiful day today for Joshua and blessed him richly with friends, family, love and happiness. I think Jerry was pleased as he watched his little Joshua eat his cupcake today!

Candy

Happy Father's Day Daddy!

2009-06-21T13:01:00.000-07:00

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it...
Dad
-Unknown Author

Happy Father's Day Dad!
We miss you very much and wish you were here.

Love, Natalie and Joshua

Happy 12th Birthday Natalie!

2009-06-10T22:43:00.000-07:00

.

Natalie is 3 days old in this picture! Jerry was 30...and a "New Dad". I just love this picture of Jerry and Natalie. I think it is so sweet of the two of them. Natalie looked just like her Daddy even way back then, and still does today!

.

It's amazing how fast time passes. I can't believe we have gone from that little 3 day old baby to this beautiful 12 year old girl.
.
Celebrating Natalie's birthday today was bittersweet. This year of "firsts" has really been hard for me. As soon as we celebrate one "first" without Jerry and clear that hurtle, we turn the corner and another one is right on top of us again. I think Natalie did a great job today and I'm so proud of her. It was; however, a really difficult day for me as I thought about Natalie and stared at the picture above of Jerry holding his first newborn . I think I took it a lot harder than I even expected. I can deal with my own grief and pain, but I think the grief and pain I feel for my kids and the crushing heartache I have for them over their losing their Daddy is most overwhelming.
.
All the neighbors on our lane had dinner with us tonight at our home. And, there again, Jerry was sorely missed. It's not the same without him. I could picture him being at the dinner table with all of us tonight...laughing! We all miss his laugh. I think he laughed at everything.
.
Happy Birthday Natalie! I know Daddy is all smiles as he watches you from Heaven!
.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18
.
Candy

Happy 6th Grade Graduation Natalie!

2009-06-03T09:37:00.000-07:00

Natalie graduates from the 6th grade this afternoon. The public elementary schools in Santa Barbara are kindergarten - 6th grade and junior high is 7th and 8th. She is very excited and looking forward to junior high this Fall. This picture was taken this past Friday before she left for her 6th grade dance. She is so much like her Daddy! Her personality and character traits are just like Jerry, which are some of things that I just love about her. I can't believe how much she has grown and how beautiful she has become. She is now taller than me!

Pray for us as this school year comes to an end. It has been a year of deep heartache and tragedy for us. We began this school year with Jerry alive, and end the year alone. It was on the very first day of school in August 2008 that Jerry went for his first MRI. Five weeks later he went to be with our Lord. How did this happen? As we face life on this earth, we truly do not know what tomorrow will bring.

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." James 4:14-15

Pray for Natalie this afternoon. Her speech was one of five chosen to be given at graduation. She has such a positive, sweet and gentle spirit. I know she will do well. Please pray for me too. My heart is crushed and I'm so heartbroken that Jerry will not be sitting beside me this afternoon to see Natalie graduate and to share in this event with us. We miss him so much and many of our activities feel "empty" without him. We truly live one day at a time and only by the faith we have in the God we serve.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:2-3

Love, Candy

Happy Anniversary Jerry

2009-05-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

May 19, 1990

Five weeks is too little

We let him go

We had no sudden healing

To think that providence

Would take a husband from his wife

While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we'd be rescued

What has changed and

Why should we be saved from nightmares

We're asking why this happens to us

Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was when everything fell

We'd be held

This hand is bitterness

We want to taste it and

Let the hatred numb our sorrows

The wise hand opens slowly

To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was when everything fell

We'd be held

If hope is born of suffering

If this is only the beginning

Can we not wait, for one hour

Watching for our savior

This is what it means to be held

How is feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was when everything fell

We'd be held

This is a song called "Held" by Natalie Grant that has spoken to me since Jerry's death. I changed a few words in the beginning to fit my particular situation. It is a powerful song of God's love holding us and sustaining us through unspeakable pain. God never promised that we'll be saved from the nightmares of this life, but He does promise that when everything falls He'll be there to hold us.

This is a particularly hard day, but I'm anxiously awaiting our reunion Jerry!

Happy 19th Anniversary

I love You,

Candy

Watching the Fires

2009-05-09T16:17:00.000-07:00

I thought I would share some pictures with you of the fires that began to move in our direction Thursday evening. These were taken as we stood outside in front of our homes.

This is me and the neighbors as we watch the scene unfold. My back is to you. Deedee is on the left and I am beside her on the right in the white shorts. As you can see the smoke began to become very thick and dark.

Candy

We Are Home!

2009-05-09T13:45:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends and Family,

We were given the OK to return home today. It's Saturday afternoon and the kids and I have just arrived back to our home sweet home! Thank you to everyone for your concern and the many prayers of safety that were said for us. I know God was with us and gave me such a peace and a calmness during the whole evacuation process as I proceeded through with the details without Jerry here to lead and guide me along. We miss our Jerry, the leader of our home and family who provided us with such a sense of protection and security. I thank God too for our dear neighbors who made sure we were taken care of and provided for; for our dear church families who were ever so gracious and loving and allowed us, along with several others, to crash at their homes at 2:00 am the morning we were told to leave our house; and for the many local friends who called to make sure we had gotten out OK and offered up their homes as well for us to stay at. We love each of you and thank you for loving us and taking such good care of us. We are grateful, and I know Jerry looks down with such pride knowing that there are so many of you who meet our needs in his absence, and who love us so.

Love,

Candy, Natalie and Joshua

Santa Barbara Fires

2009-05-08T09:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

We're receiving lots of worried phone calls and text messages so I thought I'd post to the blog and give an update. We were evacuated from our home at 2:00 am this morning. We are safe and left with our neighbors and are staying at the home of other families from church. The wind reversed directions last night and carried fire toward the area where we live. We are not worried about our home, but were evacuated due to the smoke and ash and then just the unpredictability of the winds. I'll try to keep everyone posted. We love you.

Candy, Natalie and Joshua

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T21:45:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter Jerry!

As we reflect on this glorious day we can only imagine the Easter Service your eyes beheld this morning as you stood before our Risen Savior who has conquered death and the grave!

I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. John 11:25-26

He is Risen
He IS Risen Indeed!

We love you Jerry and Daddy ~ Happy Easter!

Candy, Natalie and Joshua

Happy Birthday Jerry

2009-03-28T16:57:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JERRY!

Today is a bittersweet day for our family as we celebrate Jerry's 42nd birthday without him. I keep thinking back to one year ago today as Jerry celebrated his 41st birthday while we were in Maui over Spring Break. I can almost remember the entire day scene by scene, detail by detail. That must be God's gift to me today! I can barely remember events from last month, much less one year ago, but I do remember Jerry's 2008 birthday. He started off his special day with a gift to himself! He rented a bike and rode up the Haleakala. These are pictures of Jerry on his journey up the volcano that a lady stopped and took of him and later e-mailed.

The lady that stopped to snap these pictures of Jerry was following her husband up the Haleakala as he was also celebrating his birthday. She has e-mailed me since Jerry's death and told me that she remembers Jerry telling her that he was doing this to prove to himself that he wasn't an old man yet!

Thank you to so many of you who remembered that today is Jerry's birthday and have loved us today knowing that it would be a difficult day. I awoke this morning and while talking on the phone walked up to my living room window to look out and to my surprise saw this birthday card posted on the fence facing the front of our home!

Although it is a mystery as to who the card is from and no one will "fess up"...we are sure it is from all of our sweet neighbor families. Thank you!

Thank you each and everyone who have thought about us today, prayed for us, e-mailed us, called and left messages, mailed cards (even wrapped birthday gifts) and sent us roses, all in celebration of Jerry's birthday. We love you.

The kids and I have talked a lot about Jerry today. We have wondered what he is doing and how he is spending his 42nd birthday in Heaven. What are birthday parties like in Heaven? We are most certain that he has enjoyed the biggest chocolate birthday cake ever imagined and have envisioned a legion of angels as they sing Happy Birthday to Jerry. What a sweet sound that must be!

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father in the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures. James 1:17-18

Happy 42nd Birthday Jerry! We love you and miss you.

Love,

Candy, Natalie and Joshua

My First Crisis ~ Natalie Breaks her Arm

2009-03-12T18:21:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends,

Today I've endured my first big crisis since Jerry passed away. Natalie injured herself on the school playground this morning and fractured her humerus bone in her left arm (the long bone from your shoulder to your elbow). Thankfully it is just "slightly displaced" and she is right handed, but the bad news is that it could take up to 3 months to fully heal. She has been a real trooper through it all though. Much more calm, cool and collected than even I was! On my way to pick her up at school my mind was racing and I thought "I need to call Jerry and have him meet us at Urgent Care." It is strange how my mind can so quickly revert back to the way life used to be and for a split moment I sometimes completely forget what our present circumstances are. Normally, in a situation like this, I would have immediately called Jerry - and so that's just what my very first thought was today! Besides, he was the one to always handle crisis situations with such grace...not me! I really missed him today.

Pray for Natalie to be comforted as she recovers. This is the first time either of my children have broken a bone.

Candy

Tour of California

2009-02-23T13:21:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,

The past week has been difficult without Jerry. Valentine's Day was really sad and then to top that off cycling's Tour of California (America's biggest bicycle race) began on February 14 with 9 days of racing and finished up yesterday. It's a timed 750-mile race that began in northern California near Sacramento and ends in southern California at Escondido. It was a race that Jerry followed each year and thoroughly enjoyed and I thought of him constantly with every bit of news that I saw or read over the week. In fact, I didn't know it, but Jerry had already pre-programmed our TV to record this cycling series. I realized this one day this past week when I turned on the TV one afternoon and it automatically jumped to the cycling channel and was in the middle of recording. I now have 5 of the 8 stages recorded - the others of which were deleted when the kids would turn on our TV and stop/delete the recording so they could watch the Disney Channel! ha ha ...sorry Jerry!
It's bittersweet to know that I have these recordings and yet I found myself watching some of the race yesterday just to honor Jerry, knowing that if he were here that's what we'd be doing.

This picture is of Jerry taken in 2007 at the starting line of Stage 6 that left from Santa Barbara.

Lance Armstrong participated in the race this year (and if I'm not mistaken this was the first time he has participated in this race?) and his teammate, Levi Leipheimer, won the race for the 3rd year in a row. It crushed me knowing that Jerry would have gone to some of the race sites had he been here in hopes of catching a glimpse of Lance and possibly snapping a picture. He would have just been thrilled!

Another picture of Jerry at the 2007 Tour of California.

All this racing makes me think of Jerry and the race that he has now finished and WON!

Titus 4:7-8 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day - and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

Friends, it's a free invitation and God wants all of us on His team!
Run the race with me and join me in greeting Jerry at the finish line!

Love, Candy

Happy Valentine's Day Daddy!

2009-02-14T12:11:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day Jerry!

You were a Sweetheart of a husband and a Sweetheart

of a Daddy. We love you and miss you and you're on

our hearts today!

Love, Candy, Natalie and Joshua

2009-02-06T14:46:00.000-08:00

He created the heavens and all that is in them, the earth and all that is in it, and the sea and all that is in it...(Revelation 10:6)

I took this picture last Saturday evening while Natalie, Joshua and I were walking along the beach with friends. I was able to capture the sunset at just the right moment and wanted to share it with you! We could see and feel the handiwork of our great God as we enjoyed the sand and the water and our hearts were captivated by his goodness and creativity! Natalie was able to find several pieces of sea glass that she is collecting and was very excited. In one particular area the rocks were covered with mussels and other sea life. However, Joshua and his friend, Brent, were more interested in picking up sticks and wood to build a fort than they were in anything else...boys!

As we walked the beach this particular day a lot of my thoughts were with Jerry. I even felt guilty for enjoying the beach and surrounding beauty without him. Jerry was the whole reason that God enabled us to move here in the first place! Now, I'm still here and he's gone. Death is such an ugly reminder of the sin curse that our world suffers from. As Randy Alcorn put it in his book Heaven, "We all have a terminal disease called mortality. The current death rate is 100%." For Jerry, death just came a lot sooner than was ever anticipated. However, death is not the end for those who have put their faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. For Christians never really die. Death is the doorway to eternal life. Jerry has not ceased to live, he just changed his address!

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him! (Psalm 34:8)

Thank you to many of you who continue to send cards and e-mails and check on us with phone calls. It lets me know that we are not forgotten. It is always funny how those cards seem to come at just the right moment too. I was feeling particularly lonely earlier this week. This past Monday, February 2nd, marked 4 months since Jerry died. I felt as if the world were going on without us and we were being left behind. During this week I received 4 cards from people and each one specifically told me that "although friends and family are back to their routines, our heavy loss had not been forgotten and that we are thought of and prayed for continously. Now how does God do that? !! Four cards...from 4 different people who spoke exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for remembering us!

Candy

2009-01-12T22:05:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,
I wanted to share this snapshot with you. It was taken in early July 2008 before we knew of Jerry's illness. He looks like a picture of health. It is the last picture that was ever taken of our little family before Jerry's death, so it is now such a treasured and cherished photo. When looking at it, it is hard to believe that just 3 months after this photo was taken Jerry would no longer be with us. We miss him terribly.
We have now officially endured our first Christmas and New Year without Jerry's presence. I cannot say that the past few weeks have been a very joyous or merry time, for it was full of much sorrow and sadness. God's peace is not an escape from reality. We still feel pain and struggle. Peace is the rock-solid foundation in that no matter the tears we cry or the sorrow we feel, we know in the depths of our heart that God is with us. We have an assurance that He is in control and the pain that we endure on this earth will be far outweighed by the glory and joy we'll have when we meet Christ face to face.
"He who is in you is greater than He who is in the world." 1 John 4:4

And then, through the midst of our grief, our thoughts turned to Jerry and we were reminded of our hope that we have in knowing exactly where he is, and that we will see him again. One of Joshua's "Christmas Wishes for Our Family" this year was "I hope my Dad has a great Christmas in heaven." I can't even begin to imagine what Christmas in Heaven must be like! Jerry was feasting at a banquet table prepared by our King!
Still yet, tears continue to flow frequently every day. I have never cried so much in my entire life. In an earlier blog back in October I shared a quote that I have found to be very comforting to me. I keep finding myself going back to it over and over again. I'm going to share it with you again too.
There is a sacredness in tears.
They are not the marks of weakness, but of power.
They speak more eloquently then ten thousand tongues.
They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition,
and of unspeakable love.
- Washington Irving -

My love for Jerry still continues to grow even in his absence. For I did not realize my depth of love for him until he was gone. I love Jerry now even more than ever before.
I know God has a master plan for our life. A perfect blueprint that was designed specifically for each one of us. God is involved in every moment of our life. He still sits upon the throne! And, isn't it so very humbling to know that He rejoices over us with singing!

"The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Sing louder Lord, sing louder!
Candy

2008-12-15T22:51:00.001-08:00

Dear Friends,

Natalie and Joshua are gearing up for Christmas, as they do every year! Our home is decorated and we have beautiful lights on the outside thanks to neighbors, Bob and Dan, who ascended to our rooftop and outlined it with lights like Jerry has done for the past 2 years. I am sure Jerry must be beaming with pride for all our neighbors who are taking such good care of Natalie, Joshua and myself. We truly love each family!

It is hard for me preparing for Christmas and the New Year without Jerry by my side. I miss his companionship so much and long for his input in decisions that I must make. I hate being the sole decision maker...and I'm such an indecisive person that it is so funny to me that God would even place me in this position! I just have to laugh sometimes and wonder what His plan is for my life. I have prayed that God will grant me wisdom in everything that I do, and asked that He very clearly lay it all out in front of me, even suggesting that He write it down on paper and just leave it on my countertop. How's that for bold! I'm sure God must shake His head sometimes and think, Candy, Candy, Candy. God certainly has a lot to teach me, and this has been my prayer lately:

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good spirit lead me on level ground. Psalm 143:10

As I still grieve for Jerry everyday, I am constantly reminded of Jesus' grief over the death of Lazarus. However, Jesus didn't weep because Lazarus had died, for He already knew that He was going to bring Lazarus back to life. He wept for the sisters because he saw all the pain they were suffering through and thus people He loved were hurting. I think of my own pain and suffering because of the death of Jerry and to quiet my affliction and grief, I've even wished that God would bring Jerry back to life. I have been reading A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis. I am actually reading it through a second time and trying to catch everything I missed the first time around. In talking about his wife's death, Lewis also wishes for her return. He then says he never even raised the question whether such a return, if it were possible, would be good for her. Lewis states, "Could I have wished her anything worse? Having got once through death, to come back and then, at some later date, have all her dying to do over again? They call Stephen the first martyr. Hadn't Lazarus the rawer deal?" I had never thought of it that way. For in my affliction I am only thinking of myself and the restoration that I would like for my past life. Would I really want that for Jerry. I think about what all Jerry has gained through death, yes, through death. And now I am beginning to understand Paul's words in Philippians.

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Philippians 1:21

I can only imagine what all Jerry has gained! He has gained a life in the full presence of the Almighty, free from cancer, free from pain, free from sin. Full of joy, full of happiness, full of peace. Would I really want him to leave all of that? No. And, that's where faith once again enters the picture.

For without faith, it is impossible to please God. Hebrews 11:6a

I have faith that God is walking this heartbreaking journey right alongside of me. When my heart breaks, His heart breaks. God mourns with me! He cares about every detail of my life. He is the author and perfector of my faith. I trust that He has good things in store for me. Believe that God is good.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to dance in the rain.
- Author Unknown

Love, Candy

Thanksgiving in Yosemite

2008-12-06T16:46:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,

Our Thanksgiving trip to Yosemite went well. The kids had an experience they will truly never forget. I thought a lot about Jerry and missed him terribly. I also cried a lot and was rather quiet. I could picture Jerry in everything we did and missed his conversation and laugh. He would have absolutely loved it. We hiked to the top of a waterfall (I barely made it!), but it was beautiful once I got there. The granite rocks and cliff walls are amazing, and the streams and waterfalls just added a glorius touch. There were 18 of us total - 4 families. We also did a lot of bike riding - it was our only mode of transportation during the day around the park...did I say a lot of bike riding! I wish you could have seen the 18 of us in our group all biking together from one place to another. People walking would stop and watch us go by! On our last night we even biked to the ice skating rink for some skating fun. It was foggy and pitch black and our only lighting was by flashlight...dangerous I know and I can't believe we did it. Once we got into the open night sky, God's creation glowed...I have never in my life seen so many stars out at one time, there must have been billions of stars. We had Thanksgiving dinner at the lodge with our next door neighbors, the Rennick family, and it was decorated so warmly and the meal was gourmet. Still yet, there was such a huge hole in my heart without Jerry and my heart just felt so deeply wounded, but we talked about him a lot and he was definitely not forgotten.

This past Monday my brother, Greg, took us to buy a Christmas tree. Joshua picked it out and it is just a tad bit taller than I am, but oh so cute. Our 3 neighbor families came to our home and brought pizza and dessert. We ate together and then all the men put the lights on the tree and all the kids helped Natalie and Joshua decorate it. It was a sweet and special time and I cannot thank God enough for the 3 other families on our street who love us dearly and are taking care of our every need. We are all one big family. It is amazing how close we all are.

Tomorrow, our neighbor Bob, is putting our Christmas lights on the outside of our house like Jerry did each year. He came over tonight and asked for the lights to get them ready. I pulled them off the garage shelf and they were in a garbage bag. To my shock and surprise every strand of lights were still hooked together in ONE BIG WAD. It was exactly like on the movie Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase. I cannot believe Jerry did that and stored them that way. Needless to say, it took a while for us to untangle each strand. I was so embarrassed. Thanks Bob for your patience.

Since the middle of September we have had family with us the entire time. On Tuesday my brother left and for the first time Natalie and Joshua and I were completely on our own. It felt strange and weird, quiet, lonely and sad. I am so thankful for all of you who have taken our suffering on as your own and are walking so closely with us, loving and supporting us. We continue to need your prayers, and probably will for a very long time. I am reminded morning by morning that God's mercy is new each day. His grace is fresh every morning and each day we taste HIS grace as if it were for the very first time.

Although we are wounded beyond words, we are also very aware of just how blessed we are. Our hope is in the Lord and we will always continue to serve HIM.

Love, Candy, Natalie and Joshua

2008-11-23T14:07:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,

It is 4 days until Thanksgiving. We have so much to be thankful for and joyous over, and are just so blessed in so many ways, yet grieve so heavily that Jerry will not be with us for the first time this year during the holidays. This next season of our life will be the hardest since it will be the year of "the firsts." First Thanksgiving and Christmas without him, first for other holidays, birthdays, etc. Although we are in a season of fierce suffering, we know that God is always with us. He knows what is happening and all the intricate details of our life, and can walk with us through our circumstances. Psalm 46:1 tells us that He is our Rescuer, Deliverer, and our Refuge in life's storms. I am able to make it each day only by keeping my eyes on Jesus.

Keeping our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith. (Hebrews 12:2)

I want you to pray for the Anderson 3 this week. I am going ahead with some Thanksgiving plans that Jerry and I had already decided on back in July before we ever knew he was sick. We had planned to go to Yosemite National Park along with two of our dear neighbor families, and a third family, to an RV campsite for the Thanksgiving holiday. The trip was already planned and spots reserved, and I feel like if Jerry could send me a message he would really want the kids and I to go ahead with these plans if at all possible, besides the kids are really excited. My brother, Greg, has offered to come and go with us to help drive my RV and help me with all the set up, etc, which I am very grateful for. On second thought, my dear neighbors, the Rennick's and Patterson's, may need your prayers more than us...they may not know what they have gotten themselves into having to mess with the Anderson family! Please pray for our safety and that we will feel God's presence in a big and mighty way!

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Praying boldly for God's gentle guidance!

Candy

2008-11-18T15:44:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,

The fires in Santa Barbara are now almost completely contained; however, there have been many, many homes lost. There are 9 families represented in the church that we attend (Santa Barbara Community Church) who lost their homes in the fires. Please pray for them. They were each prayed for in our worship service this past Sunday, and several of these families stood and were in attendance, worshipping God in His House only days after the loss of their own homes and memories. What a testimony of faith!

With love to each of you,

Candy

2008-11-14T09:55:00.000-08:00

Dear friends outside of California!

We're receiving lots of worried phone calls regarding the wildfires in and near Santa Barbara that you've heard about and seen reported on the news. Just wanted each of you to know that we are not immediately in harms way. Although we were able to watch the flames while standing on our street last night, the fires are about 13 miles south of our home. This morning, we can definitely see a haze of smoke drifting our way across the mountains, but we are in no immediate danger. However, some of the fires are in heavily populated areas and there have already been many homes burned, so please pray for calm winds today to allow the firefighters more ease in getting the fires contained, and so they will not spread uncontrollably. Pray for the safety of everyone!

We love you,

Candy, Natalie and Joshua

2008-11-08T20:34:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,

I am really missing Jerry. He is constantly on my mind - in every waking thought. The sadness is sometimes extremely overwhelming. I look for him in everything we do and picture how he was always there. I just miss his mere presence. I saw an episode of Oprah this last year in which Jerry Seinfeld was the guest. He was talking about his wife, Jessica. He commented that he liked her "aroundness," and he explained that he just liked knowing that she was "around." Perhaps not in the same room as him, but just knowing that she was present in the home somewhere. That's what I miss about Jerry. His "aroundness," and just knowing that he was around and present - even if we weren't interacting at the time, or were in separate parts of the house doing our own thing, I knew he was there. I miss his laugh and the sound of his voice. I now frequently find myself calling our home phone number and listening to the voice mail message just to hear him speaking. I cannot for the life of me record over our home phone message and probably never will as long as we have this number. So, if you call our home and we are not available, you will hear Jerry on our message center. This has happened a few times now to family and friends and I can tell by their broken voices while they leave a message that it was touching and emotional for them to hear his voice (sorry Dinah). BUT, this also speaks volumes to me knowing that Jerry was so well loved!

Please know that we love to talk about Jerry (in our grief, it is such a comfort). His name is spoken every day in our house and we share memories of him constantly. While walking with my neighbor, Pam, this past Friday, she shared with me certain things she missed about Jerry and some little "phrases" that he always used that she liked. It made me smile and even laugh a little! This is such a comfort to me and I find it so enjoyable to hear others share things about Jerry that they remember or liked. So, please do not be afraid to talk about him!

It is day by day, moment by moment, but my hope is in the Lord!

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him. Lamentations 3:22-25

Hug, love and enjoy your families today. Give thanks for the day, and take nothing for granted. This verse was written on the programs at Jerry's memorial services and I want to share it with you again:

You do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist (vapor) that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, I will live and do this or that." James 4:14-15

Cherish life!

Praying boldly for God's guidance,

Candy

2008-10-30T20:03:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends,

Every time I get on the blog and see the pictures on the left side I stare at each one and remember each instance in which they were taken. I thought I'd share with you about each picture. The first one of our family on the bluff overlooking the ocean was taken in Maui over this past Spring Break. It was our first time to go to Hawaii and we had a really nice family vacation together. It was full of lots of fun and many, many happy memories. I am so happy and feel so blessed, and am extremely grateful to God that we were able to have that time together and see such a beautiful part of his creation that we'd not seen before. The best part is that we were in Maui over Jerry's 41st birthday. His birthday was March 28. As a birthday present to himself, he rented a bike and biked up the Haleakala which is a dormant volcano. It has a summit of just over 10,000 feet and when at the summit there is a 3,000' deep crater that you can peer down into which is 7 miles long, 2 miles wide and 21 miles in circumference. Jerry was able to make it up the Haleakala to 7,000 feet before turning around and biking back down. Another guy was also biking up the Haleakala that day celebrating his 35th birthday which was the day before Jerry's, March 27. This guy's wife and her parents were driving a "support car" following her husband and they stopped and talked to Jerry. The wife took 2 pictures of Jerry biking up the volcano that day and e-mailed them to him later. I so cherish these pictures now and am so happy that someone stopped and did that for him that day.

The next picture of Natalie and Jerry was taken at the American Girl Store in LA. We had surprised Natalie with a visit to that store for her 11th birthday. Jerry was helping her shop for doll clothes! Such a sweet memory now and I hope Natalie can always remember that day when she looks at this picture.

Batman and Robin is, of course, Jerry and Joshua! They wore these costumes to a Halloween party last October 2007. Joshua already had his "Robin" costume and Jerry surprised us by finding the "Batman" costume for himself so they could go as a "team". I didn't even know Jerry knew how to shop by himself? !!

The last picture of Jerry and I was taken at his surprise 40th birthday party! We were on a catamaran in the Santa Barbara Channel. It was a lot of fun.

Hope you don't mind me sharing my memories with you that surround these pictures!

Praying Boldly for God's Guidance,

Candy

Carving Pumpkins

2008-10-29T21:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

The kids carved their pumpkins tonight and did a great job. It was sad for me knowing that Jerry wasn't sitting in his leather recliner watching TV as the pumpkins were being carved. He was always so very proud of the kids and always had funny comments and made us laugh. Natalie and Joshua were talking tonight and were sharing with each other a memory they had of daddy while we were on a family vacation last year before school started. We had been to the San Diego Zoo. Both kids had these animal buckets that their lunch was served in at the zoo. They were both flinging these buckets back and forth to each other in the seats behind Jerry and I...just playing like kids do when you're on a road trip. Well, evidently it was beginning to get on Jerry's nerves and he had had enough. He very calmly asked to see the buckets and when they handed them to him he flung both buckets to the back of our SUV...while driving! I even remember it was silent for a second, then we all started laughing. We had a good chuckle again tonight remembering this.

Praying boldly for God's guidance!

Candy

2008-10-27T20:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

I'm just going to share some sweet memories I have and a laugh or two that occured within my family after Jerry passed away, not that they were funny at the moment though! Immediately after Jerry died I went on "auto-pilot." I have read where this is very normal, and now I can truly see and understand that this is exactly what one does. My mind was in such a fog that I immediately just went through the motions of all the planning and preparations that one must do after a loved one dies. However, I am ever so grateful for my 4 siblings that came out to California to be with me and help me through this process (along with my parents).

I have 3 brothers who accompanied me to the mortuary (along with my Dad). My brothers also went to the florist shop with me to pick out flowers for Jerry's casket. I was so indecisive on everything because my grief and disbelief was so heavy, and they were really sweet to help and we had several laughs along the way. Once again, my 3 brothers followed me to Macy's to pick out clothing for Jerry (none of his suits in our closet would fit). I don't think I could have done it without them. I let them mix and match everything and they pieced it all together for me. It was really funny watching them go at it. Then, knowing that I had said that I needed a dress for Jerry's services as well, they encouraged me to go ahead and try to find something. Besides, we were already in Macy's anyway, and it's not like I had a lot of time to shop in the near future. So over to the women's department we go. I'm sure we looked like a 3-ring circus...me and 3 men in the women's clothing at Macy's Department Store, and they are all trying to help me shop! I did find a dress...and they all agreed on it! I'm just really fond of these memories with them, and the way they loved me. Thank you brothers!

The next day, my mother, Natalie and I head off to Nordstrom's to shop for a dress for Natalie. She found a dress on the 3rd floor and we ended up carrying it down to the 1st floor to try and find shoes. Unable to find shoes, we decide we need to look elsewhere and we needed to hurry, the stores were about to close. We leave Nordstrom's and enter another store. While looking around, Natalie suddenly announces, "Mom"...and I turn to her and see that she is holding the dress from Nordstrom, still on its hanger and draped over her arm. In our haste we had left the store without paying for the dress. I grabbed the dress and took off running, all the while thinking, "Great, we've stolen a dress and I'll be arrested and have to be bailed out of jail to attend Jerry's Memorial Service!" Long story short, I re-entered Nordstrom, told them what I had done, paid for the dress and was not arrested!

Tuesday, Oct. 7, 2008 - Jerry's Memorial Service. I get dressed and as I'm walking out of my bedroom, my brother Tracy comes up the stairs. He told me I looked nice and I asked him if I had gotten all the tags cut off. His reply, "Yes...everything but that security button on your jacket!" You know, the one that will explode ink everywhere if you try to remove it yourself. Mind you, we are leaving for Jerry's service in 20 minutes. All I could say was, "Run, Tracy, run. Run to Macy's and get this tag off." Tracy said, "I don't remember how to get to Macy's." And, I replied, "Then run to the Rennick's and have them take you!" God love our neighbors! They have all done so much for me...and once again they came to the rescue. (Tracy later meets me in the parking lot of the church and I put my jacket on!)

Thank you God, for sweet memories, funny moments, laughter and life!

Praying boldly for God's direction and guidance!

Candy

2008-10-22T19:31:00.000-07:00

Hello Dear Friends,

I have so many thoughts throughout the day and have so much I want to say, but it is nearly impossible to find the time right now to sit down and blog (but I love doing it when I get the chance). I am somewhat overwhelmed with the responsibility that I have been left with knowing that I am a single mother now and don't have Jerry to help with anything regarding the kids, home, finances, family decisions, etc. Many of you have commented that this blog has been an "inspiration" to you, and I just want each of you to know that my strength only comes from God and He is what sustains me. I am still human too! I still feel the sting of pain and I definitely have my share of heartaches, but my hope remains in the fact that I can still call upon HIS name. I certainly don't claim to be holier than thou! I'm just a simple sinner who has received God's good grace, somehow!

I am grieving the loss of Jerry very heavily and am just so extremely sad. EVERYTHING reminds me of him right now. Many of you have asked to help and I know that each of you would in any way possible, and truly the only thing that you can do right now is to continue to love my family and pray for us. And, please know that I welcome and cherish memories you have of Jerry. Several of you have shared even simple little memories that you have of even Jerry interacting with your children perhaps on the ball field, etc. Also, I want you to know that it is not a taboo to say his name! Please, feel free to talk about him when you talk to me and refer to him by name!

I think back to Jerry's Memorial Services (both the one in CA and AR) and am still truly humbled by the outpouring of love and support. Even in the beginning, both Jerry and I were so moved by the love that was shown to us when we first found out that he had cancer. We kept looking at each other and would cry and just say, "Lord, who are WE that people would care so much about US?" There are so many of you that traveled a great distance just to attend his service in Little Rock. I am still in shock. There was family and/or friends that came from Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Minnesota, North and South Carolina, Pennsylvania, Hawaii, Tennessee and perhaps others. On top of this, there are many friends of Jerry's parents and my parents that traveled from Batesville and Jonesboro out of love and support of our parents in their time of need. Thank you, dear friends, thank you for honoring Jerry's memory and honoring me with your presence at his service. And thank you too Steve & Patti and Craig for attending his CA service from Napa and San Francisco. I know it wasn't easy - especially considering his CA service was on a Tuesday and that is a 5+ hour drive. I really appreciate all you dear friends, and I sincerely hope that you know that I mean it!

I have more to say, but it will have to be at a later time. And, I still have some sweet and funny things to share that occured when my family and siblings were in California with me helping after Jerry's death...so stay tuned!

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. !!!

Praying boldly in Him!

Candy

2008-10-19T21:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

Just some of my revelations from this week and today. When we arrived home this past Monday evening from Arkansas our little neighbor, Ryan, brought our mail over to me that his family collected while we were gone. While thumbing through it I came across a piece of mail for Jerry. A Jury Summons! Jerry had been summoned for jury duty. My first thought was cynical (grief was heavy at the moment since we had just arrived back home...alone) and I thought, "what a way to get out of jury duty Jerry." I laid the summons on the counter and for some reason found myself picking it up ever so often when I would pass by and see it. I would look at it, re-read it, and just kind of hold it questioningly? I have thought about that jury summons a lot this past week. I've even had to call the Courthouse to let them know that Jerry would definitely not be showing up at his appointed time......And, then God speaks....."Candy, Jerry has been summoned alright, but he has been served a summons to appear before the most sovereign Supreme Court Judge there is! And, yes, he did appear at his appointed time."

Today was our first day back to church since Jerry's illness began. It was not easy going to church without him. But guess what the chorus was to one of the songs we sang this morning?

Better is one day in your courts
Better is one day in your house
Better is one day in your courts
Than a thousand elsewhere

The chorus is taken from Psalm 84:10 "Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked."

And God speaks.....

Love,

Candy

2008-10-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

It has been 2 weeks today since Jerry passed away. I will not say that it has been easy. Lord Jesus, still my grief with awareness of the glory that Jerry is now enjoying in your presence. In our "earthly" sorrow tears have flown frequently for we are all very heartbroken and heavy with grief and sadness. I read today that our Creator who made us and knows our needs gave us tears as an outlet for sadness. It is comforting to realize that God notices our tears. In Psalm 56:8-9 the psalmist said, "Put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?" God records our tears in His book of remembrance, as though He were saying, "I have seen your sorrow and I have provided comfort that is greater than your grief."

Washington Irving quoted "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the marks of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love." So please don't ever be ashamed of your tears or afraid to shed them for Jerry, myself, Natalie and Joshua. Please know that we welcome them!

I am also reminded that it is in times of grief and great sadness that our Heavenly Father grants us the comfort of the Holy Spirit, and that the Holy Spirit even intercedes for us on our behalf! Romans 8:26-27 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."

There are many remembrances of Jerry throughout the day that result in a puddle of tears. Mornings and evenings can be particularly painful. Since moving to CA, Jerry always walked Natalie and Joshua to school. It is now such a sweet memory for me knowing that he loved doing this and the kids enjoyed him being a part of their morning! It is hard in the late afternoon as well knowing that he will not be coming through the door to greet us as he always did. His seat is empty at the dinner table, and our conversation seems lacking. I welcomed little Joshua as he asked if he could sleep with me last night and sense that both he and Natalie are beginning to really realize the hole in our family. It was also difficult for me as I opened Jerry's top dresser drawer one morning while looking for something and saw his wallet and wedding ring inside. I often find myself now going to that drawer just to hold his ring and feel and smell the leather of his wallet.

I find that posting to this blog is therapeutic for me. It has become my "journal" so to speak, and I enjoy sharing with you all, knowing that you love our family and are concerned about us. I plan on blogging more, so if you're interested, please feel free to check it ever so often. In fact, I have several more things I want to share, but don't want to overwhelm everyone with a novel of information on this posting. I have some really funny things to share that occurred over the course of the last two weeks, so stay tuned for those! I enjoy humor and it's great to be able to laugh...and I know that Jerry has been laughing from above as he has looked down on everything!

I am ever so grateful for our Precious Savior and the hope I have in Him. My faith in Christ not only lifts me up, but honors HIS name as well. I do not have all the answers, nor do I understand what has happened, but I know someone who does!

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Revelation 21:4

I pray that each of you will draw closer to your family and loved ones. Cherish your life! It's a marvelous thing!

Continue to pray boldly for the Anderson 3!

Love,

Candy, Natalie and Joshua

2008-10-07T21:47:00.000-07:00

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints." Psalm 116-15

Jerry's service today in Santa Barbara was beautiful. The most beautiful picture that I keep seeing in my mind is when Natalie and Joshua participated in the releasing of the doves and watching them circle around in the sky with the mountains in the background. It was such a picturesque scene and so very touching. I thank each of you who attended to honor Jerry's memory. I am truly touched by the number of individuals in attendance. My family is still so amazed by the outpouring of love, care and concern that we have received these last few weeks. They just keep saying over and over and over..."If we didn't know better, we would have thought that you had lived here for 20 years." Thank you to all our Santa Barbara friends! We love you! We love you!

Candy, Natalie and Joshua

2008-10-07T09:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

Today is my sweet Jerry's Memorial Service in California. I'm asking that you pray for me, Natalie and Joshua, along with my parents, sister and 3 brothers that are here with me. The sun is shining bright and it is a truly beautiful day in Santa Barbara. Our hearts are extremely saddened and very heavy with grief at the moment. Please pray that as his wife, I can serve Jerry today, and serve him well, and that his memory will truly be honored. When our precious God looks down upon me today, it is my prayer that He is able to say "Well done, well done thy good and faithful servant."

Praying boldly for God's grace and strength for this day, along with a peace that passes all understanding,

Candy

2008-10-06T11:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

Listed are the details for Jerry's service in Little Rock, Arkansas:

Friday, October 10, 2008
Visitation with Family and Friends
6:00 pm - 8:00 pm
Roller Chenal Funeral Home
13801 Chenal Parkway
Little Rock, Arkansas
501-224-8300

Saturday, October 11, 2008
Memorial Service
2:oo pm
Second Baptist Church
222 East 8th Street
Little Rock, Arkansas
501-374-9284

Graveside Service following Memorial:
Roselawn Memorial Park

Love,

Candy

2008-10-05T09:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

Here are the details for the memorial service for Jerry in California:

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

1:00 pm (individuals wishing to offer words of encouragement to the family are invited to visit with them at this time)

2:00 pm Memorial Service

Santa Barbara Community Church, 1002 Cieneguitas Road, Santa Barbara, CA

Love,

Candy, Natalie and Joshua

2008-10-04T10:12:00.000-07:00

Everyone:

Candy asked me to update the blog about a couple of things:

-Funeral arrangements are not final yet but she will update the site as soon as possible.

-She also wanted me to say to everyone that she will update and correspond through this blog for the foreseeable future until she makes mention that's it's her last update.

In Him,
-Scott

2008-10-02T18:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

As you now know, my sweet Jerry passed away this afternoon around 4:25 pm Pacific Time. He fought strong until the end and I never left his side. I think I kissed every inch of his body! I want each of you to know that I believed, even until his very last breath, that God was in total control. We serve such a gracious and loving God, and Jerry has met him face to face...imagine that! I can picture him now bicycling down streets of gold and singing and shouting praises to God.

I praise God I was awarded the gift of marriage to Jerry for 18 wonderful years. He was a good man. A faithful husband. A wonderful Daddy. An excellent provider. He always went above and beyond and had such a generous heart and kind spirit. I am proud myself and honored to be able to say that EVERYONE ALWAYS LIKED JERRY! He was always well respected in all areas of his life. Even I always noticed that and was so very happy that he was my man! Thank you God for the gift of Jerry.

I hope that each of you who has followed Jerry's health news the last few weeks have found your faith in God strengthened beyond measure. God is still good! And if you don't know the God that we serve, please know that HIS grace is sufficient and covers all. If you call unto him, he will meet you where you are.

"For it is by grace you are saved, through faith - and this not of yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, least any man should boast" (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Jerry can honestly say:
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day - and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing" (2 Timothy 4:7-8)

I love you Jerry ~ Candy
We love you Daddy ~ Natalie and Joshua

FYI There will be a service in California for all our loving friends God has surrounded us with these past 2 years and a service in Little Rock, AR for all our loving friends and family that God surrounded us with for 16 years of our married life. Details later.

2008-10-02T17:27:00.000-07:00

Everyone:

Jerry passed away about 6:30pm central time. Candy was by his side.

Continue to pray diligently and BOLDLY.

In Him
-Scott

2008-10-02T10:20:00.000-07:00

Everyone:

Candy asked me to update the blog this afternoon and ask for everyone's prayers. The second round of chemo for Jerry has not been effective and the doctors have said his organs are beginning to shut down. The doctors have recommended that Jerry not be resuscitated allowing him to go peacefully when it comes to that.

Please pray to the Lord that He covers Candy, Natalie and Joshua with a peace and comfort that only He can provide. And pray that when it is time, that He takes Jerry peacefully and without pain.

In Him,
-Scott Philbrick

2008-10-01T21:34:00.000-07:00

Dears Friends,

Today has been an exhausting day; however, when I left the hospital at 7:00 pm tonight I felt such peace! I learned how to be a good advocate of health care for Jerry today and am actually feeling quite proud of myself right now (although I did have a lot of help from my brother Tracy who is in the medical field, so Tracy you get some credit too!) It was decided that Jerry needed an arterial line inserted today that will allow for a more constant and more accurate reading of his blood pressure, and it can be used to draw blood for "blood gases" that are taken quite frequently to check the level of oxygen in his blood. Actually it can be used for all lab and blood draws that are needed and he won't have to be poked with needles anymore. It is very tricky to do and I've heard can be quite painful. After more than an hour of two young resident doctors trying to get this line inserted I was beside myself. I had to sign a form for this procedure to be done and I was beginning to question whether or not I had made the right decision, and I felt like I was putting Jerry through agony? So, I called Tracy and asked what my "plan of action" should be. He knew exactly what to tell me, what to ask for, and most importantly how to go about asking. I immediately called the CCU charge nurse (the one from Heber Springs, AR) and within 15 minutes I had an anesthesiologist in full scrubs beside Jerry's bed and he had the arterial line finished in 10 minutes! Jerry, I'm learning how to fight the best fight for you. Hang in there, I'm just a little slow at this process...so sorry.

He had his second day of chemo and seems to be tolerating it well. The Pulmonologist said there is some fluid in one of his lungs, that is presumed to be pneumonia. I'll let you know the results of his lab work when I find out. Pray that his body will be strong against infections. Now that he is having chemo his white blood cell count will drop again in a few days and he'll be susceptible to infections easily again.

It's 10:15 pm now and I just spoke with his night nurse and he is resting very well and comfortably and all vital signs were stable. She told me she anticipated him having a good night. Good news!

"For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone" (Psalm 91:11-12)

(Now for some funnies! The weather has been awesome in Santa Barbara the last several days. It got up in the high 80's today/low 90's and was hot! For those of you unaware of our California weather, it cools down in the evenings and the nights are quite cool. Although we do have an air conditioner, we never use it - we sleep with windows open which is quite nice. Lots of homes in Santa Barbara do not have air conditioning at all. Jerry is a strict stickler about not using the air (OK Dinah, Tamey & Ashley - stop laughing). Natalie begs all the time to turn the air on and Jerry won't budge. Well, it was 83 degrees upstairs at bedtime and both of my kids came downstairs and got ice packs for their foreheads so they could go to sleep! I made my biggest executive decision ever tonight. We're sleeping with the air on Jerry!)

Praying boldly,

Candy

2008-09-30T20:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

It is Tuesday night now and I just wanted you to know that Jerry did not have a very good day today. It was an extremely challenging day for his nurse to maintain a balance between all of his vital signs. Something was always out of whack (which was disheartening since he has had 2 good days in a row before today)! After lunch his blood pressure dropped extremely low, Jerry was unable to maintain his oxygen levels, and then his heart rate began spiking again. At one point there was a respiratory therapist and 2 nurses in his room, and then other nurses on the phone calling his Oncologist, Cardiologist and Pulmonary doctor at all once. It was quite nerve racking to say the least. The Oncologist decided to go ahead with his chemo even though he wasn't doing very well, and just feels like Jerry can't wait anymore. We must see improvement in his lungs this week and hopefully soon. My brother reminded me that "Our God specializes in dramatic improvements" which made me smile and pray all the harder! His hair is now falling out in clumps and I have opted to have someone come in and buzz cut it and then it won't be as messy. Sorry Jerry, I'm doing the best I can since you aren't helping in the decision making process!

As I looked out his window a lot today while holding his hand I stared at the mountains and remembered the verse of a song that I learned at a Women of Faith Conference several years ago..."the mountains bow down and the seas will roar at the sound of HIS beautiful name." If the mountains will bow down and the seas will roar at even just the sound of the name of our precious Savior, think of what our prayers can do when we call upon His name with just the faith of a little mustard seed!

I am being very bold and persistent in my prayers of healing for Jerry - please continue to join me just the same. I love each of you!

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

We serve an awesome God that has overcome the world!

Praying boldly,

Candy

2008-09-30T12:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

Jerry will begin his second round of chemo today, and the plan is to have chemo for 5 straight days. Pray that his body will tolerate this and that he will be able to have all treatments as planned. He has had a slight fever, but his Oncologist met with me this morning and he feels that due to Jerry's lung condition and circumstances, he just can't wait any longer. The hopes are that this second round will really jump start the process to help the tumors in his lungs begin to shrink. His respiratory distress is what the doctors are aiming at really trying to alleviate at the moment, which means that the lungs must begin to show progress and begin to clear themselves of the cancer masses (the doctor also stated that this is now the only way to get him off the ventilator is to have the tumors dispelled), and he would like to have him off the ventilator as soon as possible.

High spikes in his heart rate have begun again today. It is hard to tell for certain what is causing them, but they keep tweaking medications, etc. in hopes of getting it under the control. The main problem is that the "medicine of choice" for his heart is hard on the lungs and so he cannot have it. Pray that his heart will stay strong and balanced and also that his heart will work as God has designed it to work!

I will post another update tonight. The CCU nursing supervisor (from Arkansas) told me about this wonderful library on the 2nd floor with several computers that I can log onto and use during the day!

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." (Mark 11:24)

Praying boldly,

Candy

2008-09-29T20:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

Tonight will be Jerry's 17th night in the hospital. He had a good night last night. In fact, his night nurse even called me at home around 9:00 pm and said that she had asked him if he would like to hear my voice and he nodded yes, so she placed the phone to his ear and I spoke to him for a minute. I am so very appreciative for the CCU nursing staff and especially the ones that take such a special interest in Jerry and really work with him to progress his health. Several times they have called me at home before going off their shift just to let me know how he did through the night!

I feel like Jerry had a very good day again today too. He continued to open his eyes slightly and move his head from side to side to turn to the sound of our voices. His heart rate never spiked today as it did yesterday...so see, your prayers for Jerry are already being answered! He had fever again today, but it was controllable. All of his lab work and cultures came back negative for infections, so that is such wonderful news. It's hard to know for sure what's causing the fever, but please pray that he won't run a high fever during the night or tomorrow. He will be able to start a second round of chemo tomorrow only if he doesn't have fever. Also, pray again that the chemo will really kick in and the lung tumors will begin to respond and shrink. According to his daily x-rays, his lungs have not improved. However, it does appear that the spread or growth of new cancer has been halted (it's just that the existing tumors are not shrinking).

Persist in your prayers with the faith of a mustard seed! "Faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains" (Matthew 17:20).
I'd like to see the Santa Ynez mountains be moved! Jerry's hospital window faces these mountains and I look out each day and am reminded that our God is "God of the Mountains."

Praying boldy,

Candy

2008-09-28T20:16:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends,

I think today has been a good day for Jerry and I was very encouraged. Most of his vital signs remained very stable today - with the exception of his heart rate which wanted to spike occasionally, but the doctors are taking measures to help control it and assure me that they are watching him very closely. He was able to maintain being on 60% oxygen for 24 hours which was the first time it has been consistently stable since he's been on the ventilator (Mark & Amanda, I think of you EVERY TIME the respiratory therapists come into his room!) He ran a fever during the night last night which got as high as 104 and was placed on a "cooling" blanket. They can turn it on as needed and it cools his body down. His white blood cell count is on the rise...AND now we are praying that it doesn't get too high, which would signal infection??? They sent in a lot of lab work and cultures to check for various infections and we will know the results by tomorrow. However, he cocked his eyes open today more than he has any other day so far and turned his head to the sound of voices as we spoke to him. He also moved his legs...I get so excited when I see this type of improvement! I am anxious to counsel with his Oncologist and Pulmonary doctors tomorrow and formulate a plan for Jerry for the week. Hopefully he'll be strong enough to have a 2nd round of chemo. I noticed today that his hair is now really beginning to fall out from the first round that he had.

Please be assured that I read every e-mail/comment that I receive from each of you. I so want to respond to everyone, but of course as you know, it's impossible. Please rest assured though that I am receiving all of your messages. SEVERAL of you have specifically commented to me that your children are praying for "Mr. Jerry" as well and that they even ask you how he is doing each day! This warms my heart immensely - especially since many of these little ones have never even met the man they are praying for! Children can be such prayer warriors and though I know God hears all of our prayers, I think I agree with Billie H. that He must hear the little voices of children with more grace and happiness because they come to Him with such childlike faith and expect to be answered! Please join these little ones and pray with the simple childlike faith that they are exhibiting: the Mooneyham girls, Cantrell girls, Green children, Van Lenten children, Johnson children, NHS Heather's little boy and Billie's little Kindergarten Sunday School class - and I know there are many others!

Father give Jerry the endurance to run the race and not give up, for You have said that "a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again" (Proverbs 24:16).

Praying boldly,

Candy

Thanks from Candy

2008-09-28T16:31:00.000-07:00

Candy has mentioned to me how much she appreciates everyones comments through this blog. She is encouraged and lifted up by the prayers, the scriptures, the vast numbers of people from all over and that everyone is unified in the fact that the Lord is the cornerstone of all things and that He is in control.

She also appreciates that she can go to one place and see all these encouraging comments. If you've tried to leave a comment and can't it's probably because you don't have an account.

Getting an account is free and easy...you just have to register. To do so, click on "comment" at the bottom of an entry. That will take you to the comments page. On the right side of that page under the "choose identity" section click the "Google/Blogger" radio button. Below that, click "sign up here". That will take you to another page where you just follow the instructions to establish your account. If you have any questions, please feel free to email me: swbrick8@hotmail.com.

-Scott Philbrick

2008-09-27T20:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

Jerry's vital signs remained fairly stable throughout the day which we are very thankful for. His white blood cell count has gone back up and we no longer have to wear face masks while in his room - which is also great news. Pray that he will be strong enough to have another round of chemo early this week, and specifically that the lung tumors will begin to shrink in hopes that his respiratory distress issues will be resolved and he can be weaned from the ventilator. He has been on the ventilator for one week now. The longer he stays on the ventilator the risk of infection increases among other problems...and I so don't want him to have to have a tracheotomy.

Please pray for Natalie and Joshua. They really miss their daddy. It has been 10 days since they have seen him, and I want him to be off the ventilator and awake before they see him again so he can talk to them. The CCU is a very frightening place for children, and besides, it is totally heartbreaking to see him in the condition he is in right now even for me. I really miss him as well. As I sat beside his bed today and prayed I thought - I can't wait to hear him laugh again!

1 Peter 5:10-11 "But may the God of grace who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever."

Praying boldly,

Candy

2008-09-26T20:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

I was reminded today that Jerry was supposed to ride in a "Century Ride" tomorrow with a group of his bicycling buddies. For those of you unfamiliar with cycling, that is a 100 mile ride! His cycling buddies stopped by our home tonight and picked up two of Jerry's cycling jerseys to carry with them on the ride tomorrow in honor of Jerry! Thanks guys! Jerry will be so honored!

A special thanks to Chad...I received the "Livestrong Jerry" bracelets today. What a nice surprise and special treat. We are all wearing them and I gave some to his cycling buddies and they will also be wearing them tomorrow during their ride.

In addition, Jerry's cousin in Pasadena, Melissa, is running tomorrow in a race to raise money for cancer awareness. She has raised $1,000 so far and will be running with Jerry's name on her shirt and in honor of him! Thanks Melissa...and run hard!

Now I really can't wait for him to awaken so I can tell him how much everyone loves him. I am completely humbled by all the love and support we have been given.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."

Praying boldly,

Candy

2008-09-26T11:09:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends!

Today is day 14 since Jerry entered Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital (and by the way, I'm thinking of day 14 like this: 7 + 7 is 14 and the number 7 represents "perfection and completion" in God's word, so this is a doubly good day and we are expecting great things to happen real soon! His Oncologist and Pulmonary Physician met with me and all of my family this morning regarding the results of Jerry's CT scan he had early today. The scan did not show that the tumors have reduced in size; however, they have NOT grown or spread any further and the lungs otherwise appear healthy. It's just the tumors that are causing his respiratory difficulties and the fluid to build up around his lungs (but the fluid now drains continuously through the tubes they inserted last week). Additionally, a scan was performed on his brain and he did NOT have any spread of cancer to his head!

I have been praying for God's direction and for Him to provide me with guidance and peace each day to know how to respond to the doctors regarding all the decisions that I must make along the way regarding Jerry's health. Yesterday I received words of encouragement from two separate families, one in which a member of their family also had Germ Cell Tumor and their cancer DID NOT respond until the second round of chemo. I felt immediately that this news was the Holy Spirit guiding me and giving me direction to my next step in this process. When the doctors explained everything today, they said we could "try" another round of chemo possibly early next week, but the decision was mine. I knew my answer immediately upon the question and absolutely felt total peace and confidence - I don't even feel like there is a burden upon my shoulders at all. It is amazing how God has lifted me up during the most difficult times I've ever endured in my young life. Which leads me to:

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

I so appreciate all of you that share verses and scripture with me each day and I have used many of the verses throughout my e-mails and now blogs that I send. There are many times that I feel God directly speaking to me through what you have sent and they are so "moment appropriate" for me at the exact time I read them. This is exactly what happened today with the above Isaiah verse (thanks Jeff!)

I'm claiming this verse too each day right now and ask that you'll also claim it along with me, for me and for yourself as well! --

" Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

Jerry's in a WIN - WIN situation. It can't get any better than this!

Praying Boldly,

Candy

2008-09-25T18:36:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

Today was a little more of a bright day again. Jerry's sedation was lowered today and at one point for just a little while was completely stopped to see if he could begin to awaken while still being able to maintain his oxygen and respiration levels in hopes of weaning him from the ventilator. He never opened his eyes, but he was able to move his head and legs some. This process will be repeated again tomorrow after his CT scan. He will have a CT scan of his lungs tomorrow morning to see if the tumors are responding to the chemo and shrinking. We are praying and believing that God is going to surprise us with good results!

Jerry's white blood cell count has dropped pretty low due to the chemo and today we had to wear face masks while in his room to prevent the spread of any colds or infections to him. I am still so hopeful and believe that Jerry is going to conquer this rough wave that has rolled into his life, especially since our "Anchor" still holds. Besides he's in a "WIN - WIN" situation!

Romans 12:12 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

Thank you all for being so faithful in praying along with me for Jerry's health. Perhaps we need to pray for God to respond quickly...at least that's what my brother is hoping for since he said my sister is about to wear the varnish off his floor from pacing back and forth as she prays!

Love,

Candy

2008-09-24T21:05:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends,

Today was day 12 since Jerry first entered the hospital and he has been in CCU 9 of these 12 days. I am even beginning to lose track of the days myself and thought it was Tuesday all day until @ 5:00 pm this afternoon I looked at the white erase board in his room and it had Wednesday posted as the day of the week...the days are beginning to feel very long. Jerry shows little glimmers of improvement here and there and then little setbacks as well. He was back to being sedated again today, had a fever (but it seemed to be controllable), and his heart rate was high all day. However, on the good side, his blood pressure and oxygen level were stable and good most of the day! As for now, the plan for tomorrow is to try to begin the weaning process again to wean him from the ventilator and place him back on a Bi-Pap machine - it's a heavy duty breathing mask - so pray that he will find success in this! And again, we are praying for a miracle that the tumors in his lungs will show signs of responding to the chemo and begin shrinking. His doctor this afternoon, said "keep hoping." Pray that the doctors and the "Tumor Board" will be able to witness a miracle in Jerry's life! I still believe in one and have claimed this verse today: "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" Romans 12:12

Remember, strong bold prayers!
"Yes, be bold and strong! Banish fear and doubt! For remember, the Lord your God is with you wherever you go" Joshua 1:9 (thanks Catherine for reminding me of this)

Love,

Candy

2008-09-24T11:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends of Jerry,

Jerry's Oncologist met with me this morning to let me know that the "Tumor Board" at our hospital met yesterday regarding Jerry's case (five of the eight Oncologists on board and several top Radiologists) reviewed his case once again, have conferred with Dr. Eckardt at UCLA again...and they are ALL still so baffled. They now seem to think that perhaps Jerry's cancer originated in the chest - but are still calling it Germ Cell Tumor. However, there are so many characteristics about it that don't match up exactly or make sense. His exact words were "we have NEVER seen anything like this before." Wouldn't you know Jerry would have to be different. I can see it now - he will have this type of cancer named after him! He has a chest x-ray every morning and so far the tumors in his lungs have not responded to the chemo at all. They haven't continued to spread or grow, but are not shrinking yet either - which is a little discouraging to hear of course..."But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. " Romans 8:26b

We are being told that the next 24 to 48 hours are again critical. Please pray for the tumors in his lungs to respond to treatment and for God to just intervene! Please, please pray boldly right now for a miracle! I am still so hopeful for a full recovery. Our God is bigger than this and the anchor still holds!

Proverbs 17:22 "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."
With that said, my humor for the day: My Mom thought Lance Armstrong was an astronaunt. Secondly, the nursing staff suggested bringing music for Jerry to listen to. He doesn't have an ipod, but Natalie has an ipod shuffle that he helped her load music onto...the little earphones are in his ears. He is listening to Hannah Montana, The Jonas Brothers, High School Musical, the soundtrack to Wicked (the Broadway Musical)... among who knows what else? hee hee

Love,

Candy

2008-09-23T21:45:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends!

Today has been a ray of sunshine and hope and we are basking in God's goodness, especially since the weekend doctors had painted such a grim picture for us Sunday evening. We credit all of Jerry's progress to your faithfulness in praying for us - keep it up prayer warriors! Jerry had been on 100% oxygen, relied on the ventilator to totally support his breathing, and was completely sedated. TODAY his oxygen level on the ventilator was lowered to 40% and the ventilator is only assisting with his breathing as needed. His sedation level was cut back considerably in an effort to allow him to begin to "awaken" as they are trying to wean him from the ventilator and allow him to breathe on his own! This process may take a few days, but we have such hope! I cannot wait to see his eyes again and hear him speak. Again, continue to pray with boldness for Jerry's recovery and that we'll see progress with each new day:
"God's there, listening for all who pray, for all who pray and mean it." Psalm 145:18

His lungs continue to drain fluid but this assists greatly in helping him breathe and his white blood cell count continues to drop (which is normal after a cycle of chemotherapy) - pray for continued protection from new infection.

The nurse supervisor in CCU where Jerry is has been on vacation. She was back on the job today and met us in the elevator for the first time. She is from Heber Springs, AR!!! She promised me that her 'Arkansas' patient would get the absolute best of care! God is so good.

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 'Be joyful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live."

(A little side of humor never hurts: Joshua has thanked God for electricity the last two nights in his prayers before bed...Lord help him!)

I love each of you,

Candy

2008-09-22T20:32:00.000-07:00

Monday, Sept. 22
Just another "Jerry" update. This afternoon the doctors did insert one tube on each of Jerry's sides to continually drain the fluid from around his lungs. It immediately drained about 1 liter from each side again. The fluid is not in the lungs, but in the cavity area outside of the lungs in the chest wall. This allows his lungs to be able to inflate and breathe easier. The fluid drained is infected with a staph infection - which scared me intensely when I heard it, but the doctor assured me that Jerry is on massive amounts of strong antibiotics. He also has the beginnings of an infection in his colon which oddly enough is caused by taking so many antibiotics - in which you take another antibiotic to clear that infection. Please pray for all infections to clear and that no new infections will form anywhere and especially around the tubes that have been placed in his sides for the fluid drainage. And, please pray for continued strength for me as the days are now beginning to be so long. I am longing to just be able to talk to him again and miss "my Jerry" (he is completely sedated). Also pray for his lungs to heal and his oxygen levels to balance correctly. We are praying that he can heal enough to be able to come off the ventilator so he can "wake up" and open his eyes and talk. We are taking it one step at a time, and one day at a time, and tomorrow will be a whole new day - I still have such hope! I cannot thank you enough for the outpouring of love and support we've received and all your words of encouragment through cards and e-mails. As I stayed with Jerry last night at the hospital, I was texting back and forth all night with my brother and sister as they stayed up the entire night with me (in Memphis, TN) and prayed for a miracle for Jerry. Several of my friends have told me today that they also were up most of the night praying for Jerry and his healing. I love you all so dearly! Even as we see small improvements we know that your prayers are working. God never tires from his children praying to him, in fact He asks us to be persistent in our prayers and not to give up. I truly am believing and praying for Jerry's health to be totally restored. Please continue to pray along with me.
Love,
Candy
Jeremiah 29:11

Monday 9/22/08

2008-09-22T12:33:00.001-07:00

Hello Friends & Family,

We had a family meeting today with Jerry's regular Oncologist (Dr. Greenwald) and Pulmonary Physician (Dr. Belkin) now that it is Monday and the regular weekday doctors are back! Dr. Greenwald met with a board of physicians at UCLA this past Friday specifically going over Jerry's case and has been on the phone with them even over the weekend with their Pathologists. They feel they have now determined that Jerry has "Germ Cell Tumor" - which is linked to what Lance Armstrong had. It is a germ cell that you are born with, but lies dormant in your body (usually in male testes) and then for whatever reason becomes active at some point. Ironically he said it is seen more often in avid bicyclists (which Lance Armstrong was of course, and Jerry is a bicyclist - but I don't think he could quite be compared to a Lance Armstrong...don't tell him I said that!) Dr. Greenwald also stated that it is very uncommon that Jerry's "germ cell tumor" didn't originate or show itself in the testes, but in his arm and then metastasized to his lungs. EVERYTHING about Jerry's cancer is rare, still has uncommon factors surrounding it and is unusual. However, Dr. Greenwald and UCLA are comparing notes daily and we are extremely confident that he is getting the absolute, best possible care. He is still on a ventilator, completely sedated and critical, BUT Dr. Greenwald and Dr. Belkin gave us a glimmer of hope today in that they are not giving up quite yet and are willing to try to do everything they can. Jerry's lungs have filled with fluid again and as of right now the plan is to place tubes on either side of his lungs that will stay in place and keep the fluid drained off so it won't continue to build up. The chemo has not shrunk or eliminated any of the tumors in his lungs, in fact they have grown and spread more, but his doctors don't want to give up just yet. I am so happy that we prayed for a miracle and some hope for today (which we have definitely received) and didn't just "give up" after the weekend doctors told us what they did yesterday. Jerry's White Blood Cell count is dropping, which is normal after having chemo, and he is now prone to infection easily. Only the family may see him and only if we do not have any illnesses whatsoever, not even the slightest cold. Pray his White Cells will replenish and build back up as quickly as possible and that he won't get any infection -- especially during this procedure to insert the tubing to keep the fluid drained from his lungs. Everything is a risk, and again the doctors reiterated that his condition is still very critical, but we have a renewed hope with each new day that God gives him!

Both mine and Jerry's parents are with us along with Jerry's siblings. Several friends have asked to come out...please understand that it's not that we don't love you, but we are overwhelmed, have plenty of local support as it is, and only family can be with Jerry anyway, and we feel you can best serve us by praying. Thanks!

Candy